All of the housewives in the village know everyone else’s business and they gossip constantly. When one of them becomes pregnant, they all try to help figure out whether or not it will be a boy or girl; hopefully it will be a boy. When we walked down to wash at the well, everyone asked where we were going. When I made my big mistake (washing in the drinking-water pond), they all knew about it. “The stupid American does not even know how to wash her clothes,” and they were right!
When a new person comes to town, they have a Welcoming Ceremony, and when that person leaves, it’s an even bigger ceremony. When invited to tea, or offered curd, it’s best to accept, with grace – as you, the visitor to their home, are considered a “god.” Not accepting their invitation is like a god refusing their offerings.
A closed door is not a closed door, as Rene found out on our first morning in the valley. We had just woken up (at 5:30 am,) and as Gaby was walking back from the bathroom someone was walking into our bedroom. The doctor was in town and “could he please take a look at my mother? She saw a doctor who gave her medicine for her heart, she is not taking it anymore, but she is dizzy.” Many times during the day someone would walk into our room. Often it was one of the kids who wanted to watch Gaby as she put in her contact lenses or brushed her hair, or put on her make-up. Even Babu (Nabaraj’s little boy) knew where the chocolates were and he came in with a trail of other children and pointed to the bag, smiling. To the villagers, our bedroom was not our bedroom, but just another room in Nabaraj’s house, where we happened to be sleeping.
When tragedy strikes, “it must have been a demon.” As we soon found out, this is an all too common occurrence. If a mother miscarries, or an infant dies, “a demon took them.” Through taking to the villagers, we found out that these tragedies are a way of life in Nepal, and some things are not questioned, rather they are accepted. That doesn’t mean that they don’t offer their advice, even when not asked for it. The new mother must wear a sweater for several months after delivering, even when it’s hot outside, as it often is in Nepal. If a doctor gives them medicine, they all weigh in on what it is and whether or not it is OK to take it.
The villagers also celebrate life’s milestones together. Weddings involve the whole village and can last for more than a day. First, the bride’s family accepts the groom into their home, and has a feast for the village. Then the men carry the bride in a basket to the groom’s home, where another feast is waiting. When a baby reaches 6 months old they have a ceremony for their first rice eating, which again is celebrated by a feast for the village. If an extra person drops in at Daal Bhat time, another plate is set out, and the gossiping begins.
So, let’s call Ryan Seacrest, I’m sure that the Real Housewives of Lamjung Valley would be much more entertaining than “Keeping up With the Kardashians.”
As they say in Nepal, “why not?”
–Post by KPS
The women of Lamjung Valley
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